


Let Bigons Be Bigons.

by ThatOddNerd



Series: And Those We Left Behind [6]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: After death, Angst, Gen, Heaven, Hurt/Comfort, Spiritual, plot bunnies that won't go away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-06
Updated: 2015-09-06
Packaged: 2018-04-19 11:05:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4744022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatOddNerd/pseuds/ThatOddNerd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was trying not to roll his eyes over the cliches of the light surrounding him, but then he remembered; he was dead now. He was dead and a familiar face was in front of him, holding out a hand, ready for him to come along.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Bigons Be Bigons.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This is just a plot bunny that's been hopping around in my head for ages, and I finally wanted to write it out. Shameless plot bunny fulfilling.

* * *

 

He was trying not to roll his eyes over the cliches of the light surrounding him, but then he remembered; he was dead now. 

Oh _god_ , he was dead.

He said goodbye to Sarah, told her he loved her, and then...

Jesus Christ he _blew himself up_.

At least it had been quick, or so he remembers. Funny how quickly he forgot.

"Paul?" Paul looked up and saw a hand being held out to him, a familiar voice saying his name. A voice he hadn't heard in a long time, not from the person who originally had it. There she stood, not clothed in white flowy robes like so many cliches of being welcomed to the hereafter, but in that one outfit he always admitted to having liked on her. Black slacks, an emerald green button up top, and her hair up in a side bun (" _Chignon_ Paul, they're called _chignons_." Beth had explained, exasperated, one day after he said he'd liked her side bun. Remembering that day and that moment, he knew he actually had loved her at one point, which made everything all the more heartbreaking.). "Come on you lazy ass, get up. You're dead, not crippled." 

"Sound logic there." He quipped. Beth rolled her eyes and gestured again for him to take her hand so she could haul him up. He took it, and felt surprisingly...normal. He guessed that his expression betrayed his slight confusion because Beth was smiling now. 

" What did you expect? Holy light filling your body and making you weightless?" Her tone was teasing, her expression teasing as well, and he could tell from her sparking eyes that she held no malice. He felt an intense ball of guilt and sadness fill him inside. He hadn't deserved her or her love, he'd betrayed her, told her sister he'd never loved her (Which he admits now isn't true.), and here she was, smiling and joking with him, welcoming him to the hereafter with warmth and love.

Wow, he felt like a dick. Why had he gone to Heaven again?

"Stop it." Paul looked at her, startled by how angry she sounded. "Stop it, I know what you are thinking and you need to stop. You might not have been the greatest person, but you did it for what you believed to be right. You saved several people Paul. You saved my sisters. You saved Sarah and Helena, and your contribution will help save the others. You're a good person Paul, you were just put in a shitty situation." 

"You really believe that?" Paul questioned. 

"Yes. I do." Beth replied. She took his hand and gestured with her head to start walking. "I won't lie, you hurt me Paul, you hurt me a lot. And you have done a lot of bad things, hurt a lot of people, but I think...I think you meant well. It's not really your fault that I loved you more than you loved me. Although..." she stopped and looked up at him, her expression unreadable. "You did kind of lead me on there, which I don't really appreciate. I was a detective for god's sake, I should have seen it."

"That's the only reason? That I slipped past your skills as a detective?"

"You know it isn't, but I don't exactly want to get into the other stuff right now." 

"That's fair." They continued walking for a bit, the white light surrounding them, nothing but light all around. White noise surrounded them, and he could hear Beth humming lightly. "Beth?" He asked, after what felt like an eternity. Maybe it had been. He had a feeling time was no longer relevant. 

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry." That made her stop again, and she sighed. A bench suddenly formed and she sat down on one end, while he sat on another. 

"Paul..." 

"No, let me say it. Please? I'm sorry. I'm a dick. I was under orders but that...that isn't an excuse. So I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry for what I put you through. I'm sorry for not supporting you when you...when things got bad. I only wish...I wish I could have..." _I wish I could have stopped you from jumping_. The words remained unsaid but they didn't need to be. He felt her slouch in the bench and then she shifted again, bringing her legs up under her and leaning to the side, her right elbow resting on the arm rest. 

"Paul... you couldn't have stopped it. What drove me to...what drove me to that was bigger than you or me, it was bigger than all of us...it was all of us. I felt...everything was so helpless and I felt so helpless and I just...wanted to protect them. I wanted to protect all of them and I couldn't, and I so I felt like a failure. The drugs certainly didn't help either. You couldn't have stopped my suicide, so stop blaming yourself for it. I know you have. You wouldn't admit it but ever since you found out I was dead, you blamed yourself. Stop." 

There was a silence, and they sat there wallowing in it, the light and the white noise still engulfing them. 

"I'm still sorry." Paul said after a bit. Beth smiled and nodded. 

"I know Paul, thank you. You're forgiven." Beth untangled herself from her sitting position and stood up, stretching her arms and limbs out of habit, and gesturing for Paul to follow once more. "Come on, let's go." 

"Where are we going exactly? What is there to do in Heaven anyway?" 

"Why Paul, we can do whatever we please. Want to meet Lancelot?" Paul gave her a skeptical look and tried hard not to laugh.

"Lancelot? Like...Arthurian legend Lancelot? He's real?"

"Yeah. I think you'd like him. Let's go." 

"I have to admit, I'm curious. He was..."

"Always your favorite knight as a kid. I know. You told me." 

"I told you that on our first date." Paul replied, his brows furrowing.

"I remembered." She smiled sadly and took one of his hands in hers, and tugged making him walk with her. "I told you, I loved you more than you loved me. I remember everything." 

"I...there's no way for me to make it up to you is there?" Paul asked weakly, enjoying the feeling of her hand and his once again. 

"Ahh... I don't know. Be my Eternity Buddy?" Beth offered, making Paul laugh. She smiled. "We're good Dierden, chill out."

"Good to know Childs."

"OH! I should warn you, Lancelot will start talking about Guinevere and then Arthur is going to appear and they'll get into an argument. Every. Time. Bunch of children." Paul smiled and nodded.

Maybe eternity wouldn't be so bad after all.

The End. 

 


End file.
